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[20 Oct 2005|10:40pm] |
Comment to be added.
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[22 Nov 2003|01:01pm] |
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friends only. if u want to be added that badly, let me know. i doubt ill add u back though.
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[02 Apr 2003|05:28pm] |
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mood |
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 frustrated |
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i dont know what makes u think u can treat me like that. im not a fucking puppet. how DARE you talk behind my back after everything ive done for you over the past 7 years? i mean fuck. i just cant believe you could do something like that to me. after everything ive done for you. i really did love you ya know. i dont know what makes u think i didnt. there was a time when i would have done anything for you. ANY FUCKING THING at all. i just...shit. the worst part is, i still love you and i thinknk i always will. i hate you, i really hate you, so much now. just please...stay away from me from now on, alright. i dont want to have you anywhere near me anymore. ever, alright? And I'm not going to change my mind about this. Just fuck off. I've had enough of you treating me like shit for one lifetime. don't talk to me again.
ok, my friends on lj, dont worry about that. its nothing to do with anyone of you. its for an anonymous person who should be looking at my lj today.
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| quitting. |
[20 Nov 2002|04:55pm] |
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im quitting livejournal. i mean its not like any of you care about my sad little life. i cant take it any more. im considering suicide, and ive never even done that b4. its scary. the only people who read this or cared about it go to my school anyway. so its not like their missing out on anything. my long, depressing posts, and self-loathing aren't exactly going ton be missed. and nef im disappointed in you. what happened to not cutting? i dont bel;ieve you. and dont give me that crap about seeing sharp objects and not ebing able to help yourself. its about willpower. i hyavent given in to it, neither should you. well thats it for my last post. bye bye everyone. no more stupid insights to my insignificant life.
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[18 Nov 2002|06:01pm] |
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mood |
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grumpy |
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so yeah, not much to tell. couldnt stop laughing in lunch. cant remember why. i remember being really happy cos hoofy and nef were laughing. weird. got dramam moderation out of the way. now i just gotta take care of coursework. nef if u come online. can u leave a list of whats require in a comment here or sometrhing. it would help a lot, but if u cant its cool. ill fone ben or something. anyway thats it. c ya'll later. keep smiling. not that i am...
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[17 Nov 2002|03:02am] |
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blah blah blah....so bored.....maybe i'll go to bed. maybe ill eat some sugar. who knows? least im not having a major depressing thingy. nef did u go watch harry potter? there wasnt really any real arrangement was there
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| hiya |
[16 Nov 2002|03:18pm] |
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mood |
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 bored |
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how r u all. im so bored and my brace is playing up. i now have 5 mouth ulcers and no bongela(sp?) carn sarn it. i drew a pic of me and nef but nef looks all weird cos its my first time drawing a gryff. plus, it was harder to be creative cos i wasn't about to fuck it up by colouring it in. it says 'friend?' at the top and its me holding out a red rose to nef. the only coloured thing is the rose. i like it but im not sure nef will approve of my drawing of her...oh well, im giving her it so she can do whatever she likes with it. *yawn*. i have itches in places i never knew i had....i think im gonna go back to sleep. i wish i could scan the damn pic in, but my scanner is on the blink....again. oh well, laterz
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| random poems from the mess that is my mind |
[16 Nov 2002|12:39am] |
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mood |
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sore |
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all i ever do is give,
i want something to take
i wear my mask of sanity
but reality knows its fake.
nowhere to run
nowhere to hide
cant dig a hole
cant crawl inside
i want to shout
i want to scream
right now i dont need
my impossible dream
in lifes race a loser
thinks he has a life,
expose the tender skin
and slowly push the knife.
yeah theyre pretty crap i know but stuff i need to get out. im not what people think i am. hell, im not even sure what I am *laughs dryly*. do i need dreams or nightmares, do i need laughter or tears, do i need a parent or a psychiatrist, do i need a single hope? or do i need a knife? who the hell knows anymore. urg. tired.
i think i need a hug. if anyone sees me at school, hug me. please. it'll make my day.
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[15 Nov 2002|04:57pm] |
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mood |
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 chipper |
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ladeladelaaaaaaaaa....so bored. i want to update but i have nothing to write. i got my brace. well the brackets anyway. i hjad to stick this little hoover thing in my mouth to dry it out and put on these stupid glasses while he polished my teeth, then stuck little bits of metal on em. blehg. im also supposed to be going to a gig tonight. but xkatzx hasnt mailed me yet about and stuff and *ahem*whethershecanpayforme*ahem*. im also suposed to be going 2 c harry potter 2moro. thrilliums.
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| pieces of metal in my mouth *cringe* |
[14 Nov 2002|08:39am] |
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mood |
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 bouncy |
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thats right. i get my brace in about 40 mins. nice knowing u all. quite a funny moment yesterday. in assembly mrs. chapman was lairing at yr 11 and for some reason i turned around and looked at hoofy. she looked so bored and chapman was stood right in front of her like a metre and yelling her head off, and the look on hoofys face was classic. the epitome of boredom (dont think im using that in the right context but who cares). i had a complete spazz. then she caught my eye and i had an even bigger spazz and she laughed aswell. i guess u had to be there but it made my day lol.
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| thank you |
[10 Nov 2002|02:38am] |
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mood |
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crying tears of gratitude |
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music |
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pink - family portrait |
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everybody here means more to me than i could ever say:
katz - although i sometimes may seem to be angry at you a lot, your friendship means a lot to me. thanks for always being there.
hoofy - although i hardly even know you, the fact u added me means so much to me. thank you.
ben shallow - this is hard for me to write, cos normally we laugh at stuff like this, but youve been my friend since year 8 (i think thatsd the longest ive had a friend at brighton hill) so thanks for sticking with me throughout everything. i might not say so, but it means a lot to me.
sylvia - not 2 sure why im writing this, cos she wont be able to see it right now, hopefully someone will pass on this message. u mean so much to me, if i ever lost you as a friend i would mentally die. weve been friends since the danielle stoner era can u believe it. u mean just as much to me as anyone else, if not more. ive told u things i havent even told my family. thank you for understanding me.
and finally,
nef - you understand me better than anyone else, i can relate to you. if youve read my email to you yet, then u already know this, but u really do mean so much to me. Thanks for always being there. You're a relatively new friend to me, but the friendship youve given more than makes up for the time we missed. thank you.
to anyone ive missed, thank you. i havent missed u out on purpose, and im sorry.
lots of luv,
from Blayde
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| crappedy crappedy |
[07 Nov 2002|10:35pm] |
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mood |
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 scared |
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my educating rita essay has gone AWOL on me. i cant get it to work. shit shit shit shit shit. mrs. duncan is gonna eat me.
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[07 Nov 2002|10:26pm] |
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i am treacle. Oh Yes. I am treacle.
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| hmmm.... |
[04 Nov 2002|04:26pm] |
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mood |
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uncomfortable |
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k now im scared. i am no way narcissistic. i hate myself i dont think im better!
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| Hyypeerrrr |
[02 Nov 2002|11:25pm] |
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mood |
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hyper |
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music |
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rocky horror soundtrack |
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hmmm
Which Rocky character are you?
uhh.......ok then.....halloween was crap, lotz of our sweeties got stolen and i got mobbed afterwards when i went to sainsburys. atleast i beat up an 18-year old. woot. now i REALLY wanna watch Rocky Horror. No idea why....btw pippa, loved yer costume *thumbs up* i would say the same to sylvia if she even had an lj. ah well. now i must go and rent out rocky horror. or else steal it. I must watch it, i dont care the cost. mwahaha
ciao, babes
((im a sweet transvestite, from transsexual transylvania!!!))
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[28 Oct 2002|06:22pm] |
Who's so phoney and always surrounded
Stop your screaming, no-one can hear
All the scars on your skin, post no bills
Who you were
Was so beautiful
Remember who... who you where
Hide from the mirror, the cracks and the memories
Hide from your family, they won't know you now
For all the holes in our soul host no thrills
Who you were
Was so beautiful
Memories who... who you where
muse are cooler than i thought they were.
ug ive just been 4 a nap im so grouchy. sleep rules. you depriva my sleep, i slappa your face....well taekwondo soon, i may report when i return. goody. and now i leave you with unintended, one of my favourite songs of all time. i think the lyrics are right....cant b bothered to check:
You could be my unintended,
Choice to live my life extended,
You could be the one I'll always love.
You could be the one who listens,
To my deepest inquisitions,
You could be the one I'll always love.
I'll be there as soon as I can,
But I'm busy mending broken,
Pieces of the life I had before.
First there was the one who challenged,
All my dreams and all my balance,
She could never be as good as you.
You could be my unintended,
Choice to live my life extended,
You should be the one I'll always love.
I'll be there as soon as I can,
But I'm busy mending broken,
Pieces of the life I had before.
I'll be there as soon as I can,
But I'm busy mending broken,
Pieces of the life I had before.
Before you.
ladela
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[28 Oct 2002|10:52am] |
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so bored. my mate slept round last night but i didnt get to sleep til about 4am. did anyone see the repeat of six feet under last night? it kicked arse. its the funniest show i have ever seen. cant wait til halloween. it's gonna rule. oh yeah and my new motto is 'you annoya my brain, i slappa your face' with several variations :-D
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[26 Oct 2002|11:16pm] |
wow. in like 10 mins ive gone from ultra-blah to ultra-thoughtful. first: nefarious are u annoyed at me? if u r just say it. u were all aloof towards me since thurday so i was just wondering if i had done something to upset you. or is it just me being paranoid? secondly, thanks again for bein my friends everyone. means a lot to me, even tho theres only like 1 of my friends who has an lj....nm...
Yzma: Aah, how shall I do it??? I know! I'll turn him into a flea, a tiny, harmless flea, and I'll put that flea in a box. And I'll put that box in another box. And I'll mail that box to myself! And when it arrives.....*evil maniacal laugh*.....I'll SAMASH IT WITH A HAMMA!!!!! It's brilliant, brilliant I tell you!!!! *knocks over poison, which kills a plant on the floor. She stares at it* Or, to save on postage...I'll poison him with this!!!!!
Lol...emperors new groove rules. sylvia wants me to bring it round to hers onm thursday so we can watch it.
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[26 Oct 2002|11:01pm] |
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mood |
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 high |
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crap on a crutch! one whole day of my holiday is gone already :-(. oh qell. i got my halloween costume and no pippa it aint drag. its like this cool skull mask with a cloak and im wearing my black hoody with the hood up over my mask and im carrying a huge knife. even sylvia had to admit it kicked arse. anyway, cant think of what else to write, exceot me and sylvia went to festival place 2day and looked around all the shops. freespirit rules. and im maybe gettin a job at birthdays. hooray.
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[25 Oct 2002|06:52pm] |
not a bad day. in fact, now its half term!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOO WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO WOOOOOOOOOOOW OOOOO WOOOOOO WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO WOOOOOOOOWOOOOOOWOOOOOOOO WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.....unfortunately, sylvia and pippa want me to go treick or treating as a whore......honestly, with all the little kids around, a pimp would be so much more appropriate. tee hee. and apparently were singing the lumberjack song instead of saying trick or treat....fun?
Taekwondo kiked ass the other day. we were doing tournament sparring and once again i beat everyone 5-0! woot!!! and i broke wood with my round kick!!! ohhhhhh yeeeaaaaahhhhhhhhh.......now i must go eat cake. more later
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